ElectroClassic EV
Classic Cars Reborn into the Electric Future

Lose the Tits

Above is a shot taken in either Mojave or Joshua Tree of a 914 with stock rubber bumper guards, also known as “tits.” Mine were in pretty bad shape as a result of weather, sun, and some prior disagreement with a large object.  Anyway, I feel that the bumper guards are unattractive and just add clutter to the face of the car, so I’m doing away with them altogether.  For the record, the above car was in decent condition, but overpriced.

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Losing the tits creates the problem of tit holes, shown above.  One remedy is to find either plastic plugs or carriage bolts that will close the holes and give a clean look.  Another method is to weld the holes shut, just like my front side marker and antenna holes at the body shop.  This seemed like the least time-consuming and most satisfying solution, so I set up a surgery date.  Notice above that I’ve circled only the holes that need filling.  No waking up after surgery with the wrong kidney removed.

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A westside body shop called Howard Brown & Sons did this job for a good price.  The above shot shows small patches of sheet metal welded in place to completely seal the holes from the back, which were then smoothed out with a grinder. The final touch was a couple rounds of rubberized undercoating to waterproof the bare metal.

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Here is another bit of 914 jargon for you.  Pictured above are the rubber “dogbones” that are used to mount both front and rear bumpers to the car.  The new bolt sleeves are on the left, but the originals on the right were quite corroded, and common sense prevented me from putting them back in the car. I had trouble finding replacements until my buddy Fordy turned me on to M&K Metal in Gardena.

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M&K has every basic metal in most every basic bulk form.  As luck would have it, I was able to find stainless tubing of the correct diameter in the scrap pile, and ended up sharing the expense with a loud and friendly Russian who called himself Lucky.  Coincidentally, he was also fabricating bolt sleeves for another electric vehicle – a golf cart.  I made away with the goods for a mere 10 bucks.  When I got home, I cut 8 pieces from the tubing using bench clamps and a Sawzall.

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I reinstalled the rubber bumper overrider pads, slipped the bolt sleeves into the dogbones, positioned the bolts, and tightened the bumpers onto the body. The end result is a nice clean bumper with a distinct lack of anything tit-related.  I’ll replace the foglight grills after attaching the front and rear bumper valences.

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Now the only remaining holes are for the tow hook screw point on the back bumper, and the license plate mounts on both front and back. A new addition to the procurement list is a spring-loaded license plate bracket that will flip down to reveal the future charging receptacle.  Whether it lives in the front or back will depend on the location of the charger.

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4 Responses to “Lose the Tits”

  1. Jesus Christ! When do I get to take a ride in the damn thing already?

  2. Isn’t the anticipation amazing? It’s killing me too!

  3. Like Ketchup waiting to pour!! We’ll just have to wait. What a coincidence meeting Lucky- what are the chances?


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